Aaron Sorkin & Joss Whedon (and Television)

Dear Aaron Sorkin & Joss Whedon,

Gods of my idolatry, I stand in awe of the work you've done and have only one request. Please come back to television. Not that I'm not a fan of the work you've done in other mediums. I loved Charlie Wilson's War, and Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, but the work you've done on television are some of the best stories ever told.

I don't know if you'll agree, though I suspect that you will, that television is a better medium for story telling than most others (with the possible exception of books). Television allows for more nuanced stories, and better character development.

But the medium on it's own is nothing. It needs writers who know what to do with it and you are those writers.

Love,
The Fan

Ninja Ropes

Dear Ninja Ropes,

I heard them sing about you on the commentary to Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, but I didn't really think I'd be interested because I don't play a lot of video games usually. One day though, I was really bored and I remembered the song...

"Go to Google, type it in, click the extreme edition..."

So, I started playing and almost instantly I was hooked. I can't seem to get past about 25 yards, but I just keep playing anyway.

Thanks for the hours of entertainment.

Love,
The Fan

Netflix

Dear Netflix,

I'm a fan...well, I'm starting to come around anyway. I mean I was a fan of Blockbuster.com, mostly because of the ability to return things to their stores and get a new disc right away instead of waiting for them to come in the mail. The truth is that I hardly ever did that anyway, and the discs that I wanted from their online store always had a long wait so I kept getting television series discs out of order. I never have that problem with Netflix.

I do wish though that you would make a deal with Panasonic. I love the whole streaming thing, and both of my TVs do have PC inputs so I could plug my computer in to my TV and stream that way, but it would be so much easier if I could just stream directly to my Blue Ray player like I do with the Amazon.com streaming marketplace.

Of course that's incredibly lazy of me and really, you are the best at what you do. So, okay, you've converted me. I'll admit it, I'm a fan.

Love,
The Fan

Men

Dear Men,

I've been sitting here for the past couple weeks trying to think of my greatest female role model so that I could write a fan letter to her. Well, I realized that I have very few female role models. Marti Noxon, Amy Sherman-Pallidino, Thelma Schoonmaker, Sandra Oh, and maybe a few others. I'm sure I'll get around to writing fan letters to these women, but every time I sit down to write I find myself writing to men.

Of course, there's the hotness factor to consider. Zachary Quinto's eyebrows, Neil Patrick Harris' voice, Jimmy Fallon's fake Boston accent. If those were clues on Pyramid I'd have to assume the answer was things that I think are hot. I may have immense respect for the talents these men possess, but the hotness could be, at least, a contributing factor.

Still, when I think about my favorite movies, books, television shows, theater, and songs, the creators are almost always men. I count as my heroes Joss Whedon and Aaron Sorkin, Tom Robbins and Ernest Hemingway, Pete Townshend and John Darnielle.

The feminist in me (which granted occupies a very small part of my psyche), wants to say that the talents of women have been suppressed by the hegemonic patriarchy. However, right now I'm reading Fear of Flying (Erica Jong), and I'm not really enjoying it. So, I have to admit that the ground was broken a while ago and that the feminist perspective seems not to appeal to me that much.

Of course, realistically, there are many women I admire and I will write letters to them as well. But for now I find I have to praise the opposite sex.

So, men, I'm a big fan. Really. Not only do many of you seem to have remarkable talents but without you the human race would probably have died out a long time ago. Keep up the good work.

Love,
The Fan

Neil Patrick Harris

Dear Neil Patrick Harris,

There really are no words for how beautiful your voice is. If I had 1/10 the voice you have I might sing a song about it, but I don't. Your voice is, I think, the best evidence (that I've noticed recently) for the existence of God.

I've been a fan of yours for more years than either of us would probably like me to mention. Before, of course, I even knew what a spectacular voice you have.

I really wish that I'd had the opportunity to see you sing on Broadway. I sincerely hope that there will be other opportunities in the future. If I had my way you'd star in We Will Rock You on Broadway. If I really had my way you'd come to Seattle and do it here, but wherever it may be, or whatever show, I won't miss it.

I want to know one thing, though. In the musical commentary for Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, did you really sing your own harmony? I totally buy that you did. I mean I'm sure that you could, your range is amazing, but did you?

Love,
The Fan

p.s. You spoofing yourself in that Doogie Howser bit on How I Met Your Mother was, to burrow your catch phrase, legendary. You're definitely one of the best things on television these days (and that means a lot coming from me because I really like a lot of things on television).

Spock/Sylar/Zachary Quinto

Dear Zachary Quinto,

I was reading an article recently in which you expressed shock at how much disrespect people show at the theater (talking, and unwrapping candy, etc, during the show). You said that you take theater very seriously and I wanted to let you know that I am totally with you on that. I mean, I take film and television seriously too, but they aren't live and even when they are if you watch at home how much noise you do or don't make has no effect on the players. I'm not an actor. There was a time I thought I would be, though, and I know what being on stage feels like, but I don't think you have to have that experience in order to have respect for it (as an audience member).

Maybe though, I don't think you have to have had any experience in order to have empathy for those who have. Like I said, there was a time I thought I would be an actor, and isn't empathy the primary skill of actors.

Speaking of which, this is supposed to be a fan letter, and I am a big fan so let me get to that. Your performances are the ones that remind me that the primary skill of actors is empathy. Your performances are absolutely seamless.

I'm not one of those fans who would meet you on the street and assume you were the characters you play. If I were to confuse you with the characters you play I'd have to be concerned about myself for finding Sylar and Spock so attractive (well maybe not Spock, he does hold logic in high esteem which is a powerfully attractive trait, but definitely Sylar). It's precisely because I can make the distinction between you and the characters you play that I find your skill so impressive.

I get the impression that you really don't like being famous. Maybe, like many, you think that the constant desire people have to know more about you (personally) detracts from your performances. It's true that some actor's personalities outshine their work and make it difficult for people to believe them as the characters they portray. I think that you are better than that though because...

Here's the thing. Even with the best actors, who keep their personal lives completely to themselves, there are similarities between each of their characters. Subtle ones, for sure, but similarities none the less. With you though, I don't see the similarities. Maybe there are some, but I don't see them.

I will admit that I am impressionable, so to speak. I often tell people that I have no disbelief to suspend which is overstating things a little, but I do tend to easily immerse myself in stories. Even though I lose myself in stories so much, maybe a little bit because I get so totally immersed in them, I tend to notice all the tiny little details. I notice all of those things, and yet, your characters are unique. You're that good.

Of course, the fact that you're that good makes me wish even more that I knew you. That's just my insatiable curiosity I guess and not what this is about.

This is just to say that I am with you on the theater thing, and that I'm am massively impressed by your superior acting skill which I can only assume, since I don't know you, evinces an empathetic soul.

Love,
The Fan

Conan O'brien

Dear Conan,

First of all, I'm sorry that I said in my irate letter to NBC that you shouldn't have been put in that time slot to begin with. It's not that I don't think you deserve the Tonight Show. You totally do. I mean, I rarely watched the Tonight Show with Leno despite DRV capacity, but I watch it every night since you took over. I only meant that you and Letterman have more similar styles and therefore you split the audience with him. Leno and Letterman are less direct competition for each other. I think you are great, and I think Jimmy Fallon is great and the line up is perfect the way it is. I know I said most of this before, but it bears repeating.

I think you were absolutely right about the Tonight Show being a franchise that shouldn't be moved to a different time slot. I, mean, if they were willing to do that they could have just re-named your previous show and re-named Leno's show and left them in their original time slots, but the shows retained their names and time slots during the last late night shake up. That seems to imply that NBC has (or at least did have) some respect for both the Tonight Show franchise and the Late Night franchise. If they had enough respect then to keep each show in its original time slot then they ought to have that same respect now.

Love,
The Fan

p.s. Letterman should retire. I made the mistake of watching an episode of Letterman the other night (when you were in re-runs). He had Zachary Levi and Amy Adams on and to say the interviews you did recently with those same guests were better would be a massive understatement. He just sits there and puts all the responsibility on the guests to make the show entertaining.

Jimmy Fallon

Dear NBC,

You suck. I know this is supposed to be fan mail, and it is, just keep reading. I actually am a huge fan of your network. A preponderance of my favorite programs have been on your airwaves, including my current favorite (Chuck, but that's another letter). However, it's kind of hard to believe how much you screwed the pooch on your late night schedule.

I'm a big fan of Conan, and of Jay Leno, but Jimmy Fallon is better than all the late night hosts put together. Honestly, if I had my way it would be Letterman that would retire, and, though I know it would mean you guys losing a great talent, Conan could take his slot. There is probably a lot more audience overlap between Conan and Letterman than between Conan and Leno which is why you're having the problem you're currently having.

Frankly it shows an astounding lack of insight for people who's job it is to know such things that you put Conan in that slot to begin with. If you'd been thinking you'd have understood that Jimmy Fallon would be a better host for the earliest late night spot and given him the Tonight Show when Leno left and kept Conan on Late Night.

I get that the Tonight Show is a prestigious franchise and you wanted to give it to Conan because he'd paid his late night dues, but, again, astounding lack of insight about the audience. You see Jay Leno is an affable guy, sure he's a comedian so there's an edge there, after all it's his job to make fun of people, but what I'm getting at is that Leno has a "ready for prime time" personality. Jimmy Fallon, despite his years on Saturday Night Live (supposedly not ready for prime time), has a similar personality. Conan's shtick is a lot more similar to Letterman and therefore it was remarkably stupid to put him in the competing time slot.

So this is really fan mail for Jimmy Fallon. He's a better stand up comedian, and a better interviewer than any of the others. Not to mention that there's nothing hotter than Jimmy Fallon's spot on imitation Boston accent. His bits are also better (Wheel of Carpet Samples, Beer Pong, Letters Home from Camp, Thank You Notes, etc) and his band is better. He's the kind of television personality that can really connect with the audience. It makes no sense to move him back to 1:05. Of course, I'll still watch, but then I have the DVR capacity to record Leno, Conan, Fallon, and Kimmel so I don't have to choose (if I did have to choose my choice would be Fallon).

In conclusion, NBC, you are idiots who have completely lost touch with your audience.

Love,
The Fan

P.S. Jimmy Fallon, if you're reading this, I have never played beer pong and have always wanted to.

Campaign Finance Reform

Dear Campaign Finance Reform,

I am a huge fan. Really. I mean I know that some people think you aren't measuring up to your potential, but I think you're doing great. I watched your hearings on CSPAN and everything.

I think you are super great, and all the haters should just shut up. Don't let them get to you. You just keep doing what you do, keeping corporate interests out of elections. I mean, if you don't do it who will, right?

I just know that you are going to be a huge hit.

Love,
The Fan

Duff Goldman, Guy Fieri, and Michael Symon

Dear Food Network,

Thank you for hours of entertainment. I've been enjoying your shows for years. From Rachel Ray, to Alton Brown, to Paula Dean, to Sandra Lee, to Bobby Flay...I've loved all of the chefs who've graced your airwaves (with the possible exception of the Neelys).

I want to thank you especially though for Guy Fieri, Michael Symon, and Duff Goldman.

I suppose all of the shows on your network could accurately be described as "reality" shows, but only some truly fit the mold of reality television (Chopped, and the Next Food Network Star, for example). I have in the past refused (on principal) to watch any shows of that particular format, but Michael Symon (on the Next Iron Chef) forced me to make an exception to that rule. Selecting him as the next Iron Chef was one of the best decisions you've ever made. I can't say that I made an exception to my no reality rule for The Next Food Network Star, but Guy Fieri makes me wish I had. He's a superb entertainer. Duff Goldman though makes me question the rule all together. I mean Ace of Cakes is one of the best, most fun, shows on television. Duff Goldman may, in fact, be the perfect man.

What's especially amazing about these three chefs (in particular), is their personalities. All of your chefs have unique personalities, as has to be the case for them to make it on television, but these men stand out even among the spectacular group of television personalities you've assembled.

So thank you, again, for finding them and putting them on television for us all to enjoy.

Love,
The Fan

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Dear Joseph Gordon-Levitt,

I've just watched (500) Days of Summer and there was a moment in it that captivated me, completely. I don't mean to imply that the whole film didn't captivate me, because it did, but there was one moment in particular that stood out as a feat of acting genius. You act with your whole body, I'm sure lots of people do, but it's not the kind of thing that I normally notice, at least not in film actors. The thing that normally stands out for me are actors that put their entire performance in their eyes, and you have got very expressive eyes as well, but, especially in this one moment, I noticed how you seemed to physically embody the character so completely that it jumped out at me.

The scene was on the sidewalk, outside the karaoke bar, the taxi had just pulled away and Tom and Summer are sharing a moment. In that moment all of longing comes to life vividly. It's the physical presence you have. You can see the longing, in the way you stand, the way you move. I don't know that I've ever scene anything quite like it. It was simply beautiful.

So, thank you, for that moment and all the others you bring to life with your superior acting skill.

Love,
The Fan

Welcome

I decided today that I'd like to become well known for writing really good fan letters. Of course, I've not written many fan letters in my life, so I'll need practice. That's what this is for. I mean, for practice and because you can't become well known for writing fan mail, no matter how good the letters are, it you send if directly.